Conclusion #1
So the past few months my heart and head have been at war about some decisions I have been meaning to make. I have really been going back and forth on whether Southern Utah is really the place for me to be. It was amazing to have this place to come home to after everything happened last year, but now it's time to put back on my big girl pants and step back out into the real world again. I have lived on my own since I was 19 and have taken care of myself even while being married. (Thanks to two deployments) So I have come to my final decision on the matter. I am making the leap and I am going to be moving to the SLC area. I am looking at Murray actually. (Wonderful hospitals and plenty of IHC clinics) I have been slowly putting in applications here and there but now that my mind is made up I am going to be stepping it up. My goal is to be up there by November and I will make it happen one way or another. I am very excited, nervous, and anxious about all. I am excited to have my own space again, and gaining back my independence.
Conclusion #2
Relationships around me need to change. Friends, and 'Romantic' relationships.
Friends
I have always been the friend that everyone goes to when they have a problem, need help or need a shoulder to cry on. I am always there the second a friend needs me and I love being there to help friends. Lately though I have realized that I have become the 'convenient' friend with a lot of my friends. I am done being this person. I am a very easy going person by nature, but if I have learned anything this past year it is that I deserve better, I deserve respect and I don't deserve to be walked on. I am through being the friend that has to instigate things. I have my own life, I have a daughter, I have school, etc. I am just as busy as the next person yet I somehow always find the time for my friends when they rarely find time for me.
Romantic
I am officially taking a step back from the dating game. (Not that I have had time for much of it lately) I am through with guys that act like they are still in High School. I know that dating again after being married is different. You are used to being blunt with the other person and not being afraid to tell them what you feel, think or want. I just don't have time to play games with guys anymore. If a guy is interested in me then be a man about it. Don't beat around the bush, don't just hint...I can't stand game players. I'm not saying the guy has to declare a deep love for me, but letting me know if your interested is a start.
I have always been a very assertive person when it comes to going after guys that I like but I am stepping away from that. I refuse to make the first move with guys anymore. I don't care if they are shy, embarrassed or whatever the reason is. If you are really interested in a person and really want to get to know them better wouldn't you take the necessary steps to do so? Why tiptoe around it? If someone has let you know they are interested, has attempted at getting to know you and you are equally as interested, then why keep playing games? If you are not interested, then stop giving the person hope. Stop playing games. Its really a simple concept.
Relationships can be the easiest, most fun things in the world to have. Why complicate things? Why make things so hard? I have always been the person to put 150% in every relationship. I am a nurturer. I am always building the other person up. That's just the person I am. I was in a relationship that was so one-sided and the other person was so insecure with himself, always second guessing himself until he finally messed up. I am not looking for another guy to babysit. I am looking for someone that is equal to me, knows what he wants, goes for it, even at the risk of being shot down or not succeeding the first time.
Whew! So many thoughts tumbling around in my head. I guess this post is mostly for me. A reminder of what I am really looking and searching for.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
All about me...
With one month left of classes this just happens to be one of my last projects for the MA program through DXATC. My goal was to write in a journal or journal like website for at least 4 weeks. Our first assignment is to introduce ourselves to the world as if no one knows us or any detail about us so here goes nothing.....
I do my best thinking and organizing by making lists. I am the queen of lists. If my writing starts going into list format I apologize.
To start off I am horrible at journal keeping so this is going to be a challenge in itself. If my family were to clear out my storage unit and hope chest they would find at least 15 Journals with the first 10-15 pages written in and the rest blank. Horrible right? ;)
My name is Tiffany DeMille (Dunham), I am probably your average 24 year old. Or maybe not. Depends on what you deem as average. I am a mom to a wonderful, active, hilarious little (almost) 2 year old. I am very much so into my church. It is the one constant thing I have had to rely on in my life (other than my family) and I am grateful for it. I am probably the most indecisive person when it comes to figuring out what my 'favorites' are. I don't just have one favorite anything. I am a bottler. I bottle my feelings and usually tend to keep everything in until it breaks. I am a pro at pretending everything is okay. I am currently working on that. I am normally very blunt but have tried to tame it down a bit. The only people I am not blunt with are those that I am 'in like' with. I tend to get very self-conscious and not very talkative around those adorably cute guys. (But then again who doesn't? ;) )
I cannot take a compliment for the life of me. My first reaction to a compliment is to compliment the other person back to take the focus off of me. My favorite place in the world is on LDS temple grounds. Yeah you know those white castle looking buildings? Those are without a doubt my favorite place to go sit and think about anything and everything I am dealing with. I do my best thinking there. My dream place to be proposed at (If I ever get to the point of marrying again) is the reflecting pool by the SLC Temple.
I believe that laughter is the best medicine and I LOVE to laugh. I have always been told my laugh is contagious. Even with all the compliments on my laugh I hate it. I have two laughs. I will use my pretend laugh until I am comfortable enough with you to let you hear my real laugh. I love music. Oh how I love music. 9 times out of 10 I have my headphones in and my music going. I am never without my Zune or Ipod. I could never in a million years pick a favorite song, band or artist. (See? So indecisive! ) I love rain, thunder and lightning. I love summer storms the most and watching the lightning light up the whole sky. Reminds you for a moment that even in the middle of the storm you can see the light, you just have to wait for it. One day I will have a glider on my back porch so I can just sit and watch the lightning. :)
I love to have fun. I believe life is for living and enjoying. I have had enough seriousness and near death experiences (myself, my daughter and my ex) to last me a life time. I believe in being responsible and taking care of your priorities but that doesn't mean that you have to always be serious. I will probably never 'grow up'. I think that's why it's going to take me a while to find my Mr. Right. I want that special someone that can laugh, sing, be stupid, and joke right along with me. My ideal guy can fight with me (Play fight of course) until both of us are laughing so hard we can't stand. I have an inside joke with a good friend of mine about brownie batter. I told him that one of my tests for finding Mr. Right is to be making brownies with said prospect on a date and then to start a brownie batter fight. If the guy can hold his own and can fling that brownie batter back at me then he might just be a keeper. If he can help me clean it up then I might just be in love! (So any guy that I am dating better watch out if I suggest making brownies together ;) )
I love Disney. Love Disney movies, theme parks and all of the music from the movies. I love movies in general. Anyone that knows me knows that I am a collector of movies. I have been collecting movies since I was like 17. I absolutely LOVE finding old Disney movies. I currently own like 700+ movies. I also collect TV series/season. I have several friends who blame me for their addiction to collecting and watching TV seasons.
Speaking of brownies, I LOVE to bake and cook. I love having someone to make dinner for and I think that is one of the things I miss most about being married. Sharing family dinners together. Family is very near and dear to my heart and I would do anything for anyone in my family. They have had my back through one of the worst years of my life and they never let me fall or feel like I was alone.
So there are a few of my 'favorite things'. On to some of my pet peeves. I really can't stand liars. I don't believe in lying. I hate fighting. I hate yelling. I think this life is to hateful and hard, why make it worse? Why add to all the horrible things that go on around us? I hate when people bite their fingernails. I hate doing dishes. (Probably one of my least favorite chores) I hate talking about myself (you wouldn't know that by the sound of this post. ha! ) As much as I like Facebook for keeping in contact with friends I have met through the Army life, I hate the website. I hate when people instant message me on there, especially when they have my number. If you want to talk to me then use my number. Text me. Call me. Don't IM me. Ha! I love technology but I would rather have face to face conversations.
Well enough about me, enough with this first journal entry. There are still 30 days left to spill my guts. I am going to end with a few of my favorite pictures.
I do my best thinking and organizing by making lists. I am the queen of lists. If my writing starts going into list format I apologize.
To start off I am horrible at journal keeping so this is going to be a challenge in itself. If my family were to clear out my storage unit and hope chest they would find at least 15 Journals with the first 10-15 pages written in and the rest blank. Horrible right? ;)
My name is Tiffany DeMille (Dunham), I am probably your average 24 year old. Or maybe not. Depends on what you deem as average. I am a mom to a wonderful, active, hilarious little (almost) 2 year old. I am very much so into my church. It is the one constant thing I have had to rely on in my life (other than my family) and I am grateful for it. I am probably the most indecisive person when it comes to figuring out what my 'favorites' are. I don't just have one favorite anything. I am a bottler. I bottle my feelings and usually tend to keep everything in until it breaks. I am a pro at pretending everything is okay. I am currently working on that. I am normally very blunt but have tried to tame it down a bit. The only people I am not blunt with are those that I am 'in like' with. I tend to get very self-conscious and not very talkative around those adorably cute guys. (But then again who doesn't? ;) )
I cannot take a compliment for the life of me. My first reaction to a compliment is to compliment the other person back to take the focus off of me. My favorite place in the world is on LDS temple grounds. Yeah you know those white castle looking buildings? Those are without a doubt my favorite place to go sit and think about anything and everything I am dealing with. I do my best thinking there. My dream place to be proposed at (If I ever get to the point of marrying again) is the reflecting pool by the SLC Temple.
I believe that laughter is the best medicine and I LOVE to laugh. I have always been told my laugh is contagious. Even with all the compliments on my laugh I hate it. I have two laughs. I will use my pretend laugh until I am comfortable enough with you to let you hear my real laugh. I love music. Oh how I love music. 9 times out of 10 I have my headphones in and my music going. I am never without my Zune or Ipod. I could never in a million years pick a favorite song, band or artist. (See? So indecisive! ) I love rain, thunder and lightning. I love summer storms the most and watching the lightning light up the whole sky. Reminds you for a moment that even in the middle of the storm you can see the light, you just have to wait for it. One day I will have a glider on my back porch so I can just sit and watch the lightning. :)
I love to have fun. I believe life is for living and enjoying. I have had enough seriousness and near death experiences (myself, my daughter and my ex) to last me a life time. I believe in being responsible and taking care of your priorities but that doesn't mean that you have to always be serious. I will probably never 'grow up'. I think that's why it's going to take me a while to find my Mr. Right. I want that special someone that can laugh, sing, be stupid, and joke right along with me. My ideal guy can fight with me (Play fight of course) until both of us are laughing so hard we can't stand. I have an inside joke with a good friend of mine about brownie batter. I told him that one of my tests for finding Mr. Right is to be making brownies with said prospect on a date and then to start a brownie batter fight. If the guy can hold his own and can fling that brownie batter back at me then he might just be a keeper. If he can help me clean it up then I might just be in love! (So any guy that I am dating better watch out if I suggest making brownies together ;) )
I love Disney. Love Disney movies, theme parks and all of the music from the movies. I love movies in general. Anyone that knows me knows that I am a collector of movies. I have been collecting movies since I was like 17. I absolutely LOVE finding old Disney movies. I currently own like 700+ movies. I also collect TV series/season. I have several friends who blame me for their addiction to collecting and watching TV seasons.
Speaking of brownies, I LOVE to bake and cook. I love having someone to make dinner for and I think that is one of the things I miss most about being married. Sharing family dinners together. Family is very near and dear to my heart and I would do anything for anyone in my family. They have had my back through one of the worst years of my life and they never let me fall or feel like I was alone.
So there are a few of my 'favorite things'. On to some of my pet peeves. I really can't stand liars. I don't believe in lying. I hate fighting. I hate yelling. I think this life is to hateful and hard, why make it worse? Why add to all the horrible things that go on around us? I hate when people bite their fingernails. I hate doing dishes. (Probably one of my least favorite chores) I hate talking about myself (you wouldn't know that by the sound of this post. ha! ) As much as I like Facebook for keeping in contact with friends I have met through the Army life, I hate the website. I hate when people instant message me on there, especially when they have my number. If you want to talk to me then use my number. Text me. Call me. Don't IM me. Ha! I love technology but I would rather have face to face conversations.
Well enough about me, enough with this first journal entry. There are still 30 days left to spill my guts. I am going to end with a few of my favorite pictures.
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