Conclusion #1
So the past few months my heart and head have been at war about some decisions I have been meaning to make. I have really been going back and forth on whether Southern Utah is really the place for me to be. It was amazing to have this place to come home to after everything happened last year, but now it's time to put back on my big girl pants and step back out into the real world again. I have lived on my own since I was 19 and have taken care of myself even while being married. (Thanks to two deployments) So I have come to my final decision on the matter. I am making the leap and I am going to be moving to the SLC area. I am looking at Murray actually. (Wonderful hospitals and plenty of IHC clinics) I have been slowly putting in applications here and there but now that my mind is made up I am going to be stepping it up. My goal is to be up there by November and I will make it happen one way or another. I am very excited, nervous, and anxious about all. I am excited to have my own space again, and gaining back my independence.
Conclusion #2
Relationships around me need to change. Friends, and 'Romantic' relationships.
Friends
I have always been the friend that everyone goes to when they have a problem, need help or need a shoulder to cry on. I am always there the second a friend needs me and I love being there to help friends. Lately though I have realized that I have become the 'convenient' friend with a lot of my friends. I am done being this person. I am a very easy going person by nature, but if I have learned anything this past year it is that I deserve better, I deserve respect and I don't deserve to be walked on. I am through being the friend that has to instigate things. I have my own life, I have a daughter, I have school, etc. I am just as busy as the next person yet I somehow always find the time for my friends when they rarely find time for me.
Romantic
I am officially taking a step back from the dating game. (Not that I have had time for much of it lately) I am through with guys that act like they are still in High School. I know that dating again after being married is different. You are used to being blunt with the other person and not being afraid to tell them what you feel, think or want. I just don't have time to play games with guys anymore. If a guy is interested in me then be a man about it. Don't beat around the bush, don't just hint...I can't stand game players. I'm not saying the guy has to declare a deep love for me, but letting me know if your interested is a start.
I have always been a very assertive person when it comes to going after guys that I like but I am stepping away from that. I refuse to make the first move with guys anymore. I don't care if they are shy, embarrassed or whatever the reason is. If you are really interested in a person and really want to get to know them better wouldn't you take the necessary steps to do so? Why tiptoe around it? If someone has let you know they are interested, has attempted at getting to know you and you are equally as interested, then why keep playing games? If you are not interested, then stop giving the person hope. Stop playing games. Its really a simple concept.
Relationships can be the easiest, most fun things in the world to have. Why complicate things? Why make things so hard? I have always been the person to put 150% in every relationship. I am a nurturer. I am always building the other person up. That's just the person I am. I was in a relationship that was so one-sided and the other person was so insecure with himself, always second guessing himself until he finally messed up. I am not looking for another guy to babysit. I am looking for someone that is equal to me, knows what he wants, goes for it, even at the risk of being shot down or not succeeding the first time.
Whew! So many thoughts tumbling around in my head. I guess this post is mostly for me. A reminder of what I am really looking and searching for.
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